Where my head is today..

1. I have been feeling a little bit discouraged about my blog. Most of this is my fault. I'm not making it the priority that I have vowed to make it so many times. This isn't because I'm not logged in and reading other blogs, because I absolutely am. I think I have just been stuck for content and feeling like I'm in a blogging "rut" because I'm worried that I've lost a lot of followers (due to my absence.. ugh!). I know there is only one way to solve this, but I guess I'm just feeling discouraged.

2. To add to that... there are so many blogs that I love. Truly. There are some bloggers in particular that I feel I relate so much with and I see them carrying on wonderful friendships with each other and I can't help but feel left out. Trust me, I am totally not trying to have a pity party here, I'm just putting what is on my mind out there. Again, my fault. If I don't blog enough and don't blog about more "real" parts of my life, nobody has the chance to relate with me. I get it. I'll admit, it's hard to put yourself out there.. but I know that a lot of great connections and friendships can come from that.

3. Today is the last day of summer vacation. Students report back tomorrow and I'm reporting back with them. It's bittersweet. I'm happy to be back to work, earning extra money, and getting back into a routine. But, I'm going to miss my days of getting things done around the house, hanging with my husband on his days off, and pretending to be a housewife :)

4. Speaking of housewife.. I've got a lot on my mind when it comes to the future for our family. My dream, no matter what anyone else thinks, is to start my own business, work from home, and raise our (future) children. No if's, and's, or but's.. that is my dream. And I truly mean I want to have a home based career (in one of my creative talents) as much as I want to be a stay at home mommy. I've seen so many wonderful, inspiring women do it and I know I can too.

5. Speaking of at-home career, each time I get really excited about the possibilities, I get almost equally anxious. Why? Because I have spent a total of 7 years in college, have a bachelors degree and now a teaching certification, and trust me.. neither of those were free. While my parents paid for my first 4 years of college, the other 3 were my responsibility. I'm scared that if I scrap the teaching plan to pursue my creative interests, I'm wasting something... wasting the money spent. I find myself angry that I didn't decide to just call it a day when I got my Bachelors in Psychology and my minor in design. I know it is completely pointless to look back with regret like that, but it just makes me feel kind of stuck.

6. Clearly this has turned into sort of a spill of the heart post.. and it's not a light and happy one today. I don't feel sad or anything and believe me I am so grateful for all of the wonderful things in my life. I have an AWESOME husband who supports and loves me no matter what, a roof over my head, food on the table, and a family that is so wonderful. I guess I'm just feeling bad that I'm still trying to "find my place", even if it means just sorting through the emotions and decisions in my mind.

I hope my rambling somewhat made sense. And by no means do I want anyone to feel sorry for me. Just thought I'd spill what is weighing on my mind this time. Thanks for listening.